Date: 25/02/2015

Council of Islamic Ideology declares women’s existence anti-Islamic
Columns CommentMARCH 15, 2014 BY KHABARISTAN TODAY
Islamabad - Sharia Correspondent: The Council of Islamic Ideology (CII) concluded their 192nd meeting on Thursday with the ruling that women are un-Islamic and that their mere existence contradicted Sharia and the will of Allah. As the meeting concluded CII Chairman Maulana Muhammad Khan Shirani noted that women by existing defied the laws of nature, and to protect Islam and the Sharia women should be forced to stop existing as soon as possible. The announcement comes a couple of days after CII’s 191st meeting where they dubbed laws related to minimum marriage age to be un-Islamic.
After declaring women to be un-Islamic, Shirani explained that there were actually two kinds of women – haraam and makrooh. “We can divide all women in the world into two distinct categories: those who are haraam and those who are makrooh. Now the difference between haraam and makrooh is that the former is categorically forbidden while the latter is really really disliked,” Shirani said.
He further went on to explain how the women around the world can ensure that they get promoted to being makrooh, from just being downright haraam. “Any woman that exercises her will is haraam, absolutely haraam, and is conspiring against Islam and the Ummah,whereas those women who are totally subservient can reach the status of being makrooh. Such is the generosity of our ideology and such is the endeavour of Muslim men like us who are the true torchbearers of gender equality,” the CII chairman added.
Officials told Khabaristan Today that the council members deliberated over various historic references related to women and concluded that each woman is a source of fitna and a perpetual enemy of Islam. They also decided that by restricting them to their subordinate, bordering on slave status, the momineen and the mujahideen can ensure that Islam continues to be the religion of peace, prosperity and gender equality.
Responding to a question one of the officials said that international standards of gender equality should not be used if they contradict Islam or the constitution of Pakistan that had incorporated Islam and had given sovereignty to Allah. “We don’t believe in western ideals, and nothing that contradicts Islam should ever be paid heed. In any case by giving women the higher status of being makrooh, it’s us Muslims who have paved the way for true, Sharia compliant feminism,” the official said.
The CII meeting also advised the government that to protect Islam women’s right to breathe should also be taken away from them. “Whether a woman is allowed to breathe or not be left up to her husband or male guardian, and no woman under any circumstance whatsoever should be allowed to decide whether she can breathe or not,” Shirani said.
A liberal dose of Pakistani satireSonya Fatah | Nov 7, 2011, 07.13AM IST
If you're looking for good political satire you'll find plenty in Pakistan. There's a point, generally speaking, when things in troubled states become so bad that even the satirists shut up.

Evidently that is not yet the case in Pakistan. You just have to go looking in the right places. Thank God for the internet, and especially for Youtube for allowing us to experience it, sort of, first hand.

Take for example the latest on offer from a Lahore band, Beygairat Brigade, or poorly translated, the Shameless Brigade, offering up 'Aalu Anday' to feed the global entertainment appetite — they've been up for two weeks and already registered 200,000 hits.

What you see is this: three young men in school uniforms with painted faces, chickens in hand, before a camera singing in Punjabi about their mother's egg-andpotatoes culinary failure. These boys want chicken and they want it bad.

If that makes no sense to you, listen on: Pakistan, they say, is 'where Qadri is treated like a royal/where Ajmal Kasab is a hero most loyal/where the Mullah escaped in a veil/ Abdus Salam is a forgotten tale.' To get the real flavor, pray that your MTNL or Airtel connection isn't being moody and check it out. I guarantee that cheeky faces and 'aalu anday' will be spinning about in your head all day.

And in case you need a primer on Abdus Salam, he won the Nobel Prize in 1979 for his work in the domain of theoretical physics but lost out on Pakistani appreciation for being Qaddiani.

You may not expect satire to resonate in Pakistan's largely prudish and moralistic society where nationalist and religious propaganda is the exported image.

But if you look again, you'll find that satire is everywhere — on verses inscribed on the famously popular Pakistani buses and trucks, courtesy of the Pushtun truck art trade, on television shows on various channels, on stage through stand up comedians and especially in the banter in the chai adda.

For many in Pakistan, satire is a coping mechanism. After living, breathing and eating suicide attacks, tribal and urban moral police squads, corruption, class inequity, economic disasters and fear, you reach a point when laughter indeed becomes the best medicine.

In 2007 GEO TV launched Pillow Talk, a computer animated satirical show that had president Bush calling then president Musharraf in bed to discuss terror. It really doesn't matter who you are — if you're in public office or you're in the opposition you're fair play.

Drag Queen talk show host Begum Nawazish Ali was particularly skilled at this, questioning all sorts of public figures and showering them with sexual innuendos, little jibes and overt, snaky flattery.

One of my favourites is an episode with Sheikh Rashid, Pakistan's notorious once railways minister. Ali flashes smiles and bats eyelashes and dy as a way to deal with the depressing post 9/11 culture. He came up with 'Burka Woman', a ditty that, sung to the tune of Pretty Woman's title song, has earned him more than a few death threats. 'Burka Woman with your kajal eyes/Burka Woman, my mystery prize/ Burka Woman, I'll go home and practice flirting/ With my living room curtain.' You get the point.

For a slice of urban Islamabad culture, we have Adil Omar's Paki Rambo. Hip-hop and here's what he has to say: 'I should've been king, cuz I open your minds/my revelation brings truth, deliver hope for the blind/ I make a terrorist tear a wrist, prepare for his funeral/ and I'm way beyond your government's or parcompares Pakistan railways to the Orient Express.

Funny man, Saad Haroon took to stand-up comeent's approval/ The most hated, but I know there's no greater/Power junkie on a binge and damn I'm so faded.'

Urdu literature has a rich history of satire. In the 19th century, there were publications like Mazaq and Avadh Punch, which satirized the colonial powers and mocked the brown sahibs for imitating them. Akbar Allahbadi was a leader in this genre but he was not alone. Many famous writers like Ismat Chugtai and Manto employed satire at times. In the old days many humourists contributed anonymous columns in publications like Zamindar.

Today's youth have different avenues though humour columns are a staple with all language papers in Pakistan. You may be familiar with the Social Butterfly column in the Friday Times.

What's extra special about 'anday aalo' is that it's in Punjabi, a language that has extreme elasticity in the humour department, and real reach. My first exposure to this was listening to my father and his Gallian friends — of Lawrence College Ghora Gali, sister school of Sanawar — reenact their 1950s version of Julius Caesar. Marc Anthony's speech had us all in stitches: Friends, Romans, Countrymen. Lend me your ears. Their Punjabi translation? 'Oi Romano Momano! Oi meri gal sun, kan khol kay..."

(The author is a Delhi-based Pakistani journalist)